the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
