the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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