Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize