Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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