How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize