As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
