Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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