Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This house was built for laser tag.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't turn off my feet"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
