neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
