I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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