the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
