It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
