Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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