Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
