My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
