If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
