The police scanner is talking about you again....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
