The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
