ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
