my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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