sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
