I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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