Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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