here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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