Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
