I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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