Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
