someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
