Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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