You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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