Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize