i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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