Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
