i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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