Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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