She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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