I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
