Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
