Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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