don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
