the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
