wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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