Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
