forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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