Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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