I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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