Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
