I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
