Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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