My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
