goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
