I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
