I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
