I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
