i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just google imaged poop.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
