Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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