If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
