Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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