who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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