i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize