I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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