At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
