when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
