also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize