is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
