Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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