I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
