My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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