walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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