This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize