i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
