Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
