I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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