I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
