we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
