We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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