I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
