HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize