Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
