There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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