Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
