So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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