So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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